It’s Been A Long Time Coming…

After many failed attempts to resurrect this blog, I’m going to have to retire — at least for now. I’m attempting to work on a book, working at a fabulous new job and doing a lot of my relationship-based writing for YourTango.com (you can read what I’ve written thus far here). Perhaps one day I’ll actually be able to keep up with Biddie Beating, but for now such is not the case! Hopefully you’ll see my book on the shelves in a few years time and can relive my horrendously hilarious dating moments with me as you read.

Until that time, I leave you with some advice on love from the wonderful John Steinbeck:

“…The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it…

…And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” 

Until next time, biddies.

Pronunctiation Guides Make Being a Creep THAT Much Easier

These are obviously a joke, but if you’re ever longing to creep a man/woman out with your sexual advances, try pronouncing some key words like this:

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait… Says Jesus

So…. sex is a cupcake? Is that why I love those damn things so much?

Another Swoon-Worthy Marriage Proposal.

Add this to the book of “amazing wedding proposals.” Seriously, where can I find a guy who will spend five years wine and dining me around the world only to romantically pop the question at the end of our travels?

The above video is the long, extended, set-to-a-sappy-country-song version. For condensed coverage, watch the proposal here.

Encounters: Facebook Creepers Exist

Image (and TShirt!) via Zazzle.com

With each Facebook update, it gets harder and harder to navigate your way around the social networking website that has now become such an integral part of our sad, technology-obsessed lives. Today, I discovered that the geniuses at Facebook have figured out a way to filter your inbox messages; this way, ones that come from strangers end up in nowhere-ville, hopefully never to be seen.

Today, I discovered mine.

Recently, I updated a nice-looking profile photograph from my July romp in Las Vegas. Some hombre named Perez — seemingly inspired by my obviously beautiful picture — thought he’d treat the Facebook like OKCupid. Here, his message:

“Compliment of the day to you. I admire your lovely photo here, it shows you are a very pretty woman.I am a gentle and easy going man,searching for a woman with a good heart to love, as a life partner it was interesting.i will like us to start as friends and see what it lead us too. send me your email address..”

Listen, Perez, this isn’t Myspace. You can’t A/S/L your way into my heart by telling me I’m pretty and throwing words like “life partner” around. Yeah man, I have a good heart to love — you don’t have to tell me twice. But sending a Facebook message isn’t the way to catch this beating heart’s attention.

And then there was Dill:

“Hopefully this mail will find you in a perfect state of mind and good healthy condition. While going through Face book today, I came across your profile which I personally find interesting and charming and decided to drop you few lines just to say hi,I am looking for a long term relationship in a woman of your kind who understands the need to love and to be loved. I sincerely find you and what I have read so far from your profile very interesting and I will like to know and hear more from you.”

Well Dill, let me stop you right there. Yes, I am interesting. No, I don’t believe that you are aware of that fact — my profile is a bit too private for a creep like you to be reading my information. But really, thanks for dropping me those few lines. I am in a perfect state of mind and healthy condition, and am now deleting your message. Good luck on your search for a green card.

Back in Biddie Action

I know I say this a lot, but I’m back. I’ve settled into a new, fantastic job and apartment, and finally have time on my hands to write the biddie posts you’ve been so desperately craving.

I’ve moved to a new(-ish) area, and with that comes a new crop of single guys to navigate my way through. So far, however, they all seem to remind me of the dudes from this classic dating video:

In short, there are plenty of biddie stories to come. Stay tuned.

Hollywood Says, “Get a Makeover”

Last week an info graphic hit the Internet and taught men “How to Score a Girl By Following the Movies.”

They are dishing out the wrong advice, though. The only thing on that graphic that would weaken my knees and send a tingle to my lady parts would be a Lloyd Dobler-esque display of affection. But who am I kidding? I live on the ground floor, so if  guy stood outside of my window with a boombox, he’d be more “peeping tom/creeper” than “hopeless romantic.”

In response to the initial post, the biddies at the Frisky created their own info graphic, this one focusing on how chicks can snag a dreamy dude, according to Hollywood.

Interestingly, while only two boxes actually say, “Get a makeover,” at least three other movies involve the main female getting some sort of appearance overhaul.

So really, biddies, get a makeover.

Via The Frisky