The Future of Sex Isn’t All That Promising

So, in the future, sex will be like a video game? Great. As if he isn't playing enough 'Halo' already. Image via dpape/FLICKR

If you’re like me, you’re pretty pissed that we aren’t traveling around in flying cars—or at least teleporting from point A to point B—now that it’s 2011.

But I apparently shouldn’t be too disappointed in the lack of technological advancement for two reasons. One, it keeps the Marty McFlys of the world at bay. And two, some seriously sexy stuff is only 19 years away. Because in the year 2030, remote virtual love making will exist.

In layman’s terms: LONG-DISTANCE SEXY TIME.

The prediction was made by an engineer and “futurologist” hired by Travelodge. He explains virtual sex as a way for partner’s to connect while away from home. Granted you’ll need to stay in a hotel, which doesn’t offer much of a solution to couples who are too-far-for-sex on a permanent basis, but at least it’s a start, right? I mean, virtual reality sex. It’s got to provide some benefit, correct? Something better than masturbation? Unless, of course, it’s all just an illusion to create a sense of intimacy even when thousands of miles separate you, in which case why not just choke your chicken while staring at a picture of your significant other? But, I digress…

The only apparent downside (aside from all of those listed above) is the ‘special accommodations’ that that can be applied to each romp in the virtual sack. Fancy glasses can be worn by the hotel-stayer to change the appearance of his/her partner. And the person on the other end will have no idea.

So, you want to put your cyber P into my virtual-reality V, but you’re going to morph my face, ass and tits in the process? No bueno, future lover. No bueno.

Unless, of course, I can turn you into a mixture of Ryan Gosling and Jake Gyllenhaal while I’m on a business trip in 2030. In which case, beware—I may never come home.

Source: The “Futurologists” at Travelodge, via The Telegraph

Mack It With a Mechanical Straw

Or… don’t.

The Japanese are at it again, this time with the invention of a machine that mimics the movements of an actual kiss.

So rather than making out with your hand (a la, Little Giants…) or, you know, a real person, you can just toss this straw-like device around your tongue and call it a day. I bet it won’t ever forget to call!

Source: Buzzfeed

Texting Leads to Touching, And Other Technology News

Obviously "jenga" is code for "let's have sex." Image via ProudCanadiaEh/FLICKR

Want to set your new relationship on the fast-track to sexy time?

Get on Facebook. And Twitter.

Why? It’s called “digital intimacy,” and it’s a term that 38 percent of women use as an excuse to justify sleeping with a man early in a relationship.

Texting counts towards this new-age intimacy, too. Researchers say that texting is “titillating” and gives a couple the impression that they’ve actually been together longer, thus making them feel it’s ok to rush to sex.

So, even if you’ve only been out with a guy twice, the constant contact social networking and texting makes you feel like it’s been many more.

While it’s a novel enough concept (and one that could be used to your advantage, biddies…) we’re not OK with the negative connotation this study is putting on sex. The year is 2011, and “waiting” is about as normal as wearing a thong on the outside of your pants. Who says that there is an appropriate number of dates in which I should abstain from intercourse? If I wear my thong outside of my jeans, and I trying to make a statement, or am I just trying to imitate Britney Spears? And really, who cares?

The other issue this brings up is that technology has absolutely taken away our ability to interact face-to-face and has made us batshit-crazy and obsessive. Other scary details of the study include:

• Women text 150 percent more than they call, men 39 percent more
• 70 percent of women and 63 percent of men Google their date
• 65 percent of people have been asked out via text
• 49 percent have been asked out via Facebook message
• 72 percent of women scour their their current partner’s ex-girlfriend’s Facebook page

The moral of the story is: sex good, stalking bad. Go forth and fornicate, just remember to call the next day.

What Burns More Than a Facebook Defriend?

If you’re like me, then you’ve wished – on more than one occasion — that you had the power to “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” an ex-boyfriend from your life. (For those of you lacking in pop culture knowledge, that means erasing him from your memory completely).

“Luckily”, a new website helps us reach that goal by eliminating our respective exes from social networks.

Blockyourex.com allows users to download software that prohibits you from opening your ex’s Facebook, Twitter and blog on your computer, along with blocking his name from appearing in your search results.

And, for the biddie with more than one crack in her broken heart, the software will let you block multiple former flames.

My only problem with Blockyourex.com is that it assumes the biddie is doing a heavy amount of stalking post-breakup. I don’t think it’s unhealthy to check up on an ex-boyfriend and in some cases, you’re probably more concerned about blocking his ability to connect with you. Luckily most social networks have great privacy feature for blocking bogus boyfriends.

No word on how to erase him from your brain, though.

Source: Crushable

Hey Dude, That iPad Won’t Score You Any Chicks

via Tsubaki Kaworu/FLICKR

My worst fear is that soon enough, I’ll be writing a Biddie Encounter post about a guy who attempts to woo me, but can’t keep his hands off of his damn cell phone for the duration of the date. That time has yet to come, but as I fear it soon approaches, I’d like to throw this study out there for all of my potential suitors.

Your iPad doesn’t make you cool.

Retrevo asked the following question: Are you more likely to be interested in, or attracted to, a person who is doing one of the following?

• While 50 percent of men said using a cool phone makes a female attractive, only 36 percent of women said the same for dudes
• When it comes to reading a book, 42 percent of men are attracted to female bookworms. Only 30 percent of women said the same for men. Perhaps that’s because every time you ask a guy what his favorite book is, he replies, “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”
• A mere 36 percent of men are attracted to female iPad users, while an even lower number of women — 29 percent — thought men with the newest apple gadgets were sexy
• Sadly, you hipster artsy types were hit the hardest. While 35 percent of men found females drawing or painting to be attractive, only 28 percent of women could say the same

If nothing else, this gives me an excuse for the serious lack of play I’ve been getting lately — I can blame it all on my ancient brick of a Verizon phone. Thank goodness.

And, on that note, I’d like to tell all future suitors that we don’t care what kind of phone you have, or how often you play Angry Birds on your iPad while sipping on a frothy concoction at Starbucks. So put the phone and/or tablet down and have a real conversation with us. You don’t want to end up as the next addition to our Encounters feature…

Source: Retrevo

Forget ‘Call of Duty’

Every time a new ‘Halo’ or ‘Call of Duty’ game comes out, biddies in committed relationships everywhere let out a large groan. “There goes my boyfriend” / “He’s in a relationship with his Xbox” / “He won’t even let me watch Grey’s.” The complaints are endless.

But low and behold, if your boyfriend pays more attention to his gaming than to your physical needs, there might be a solution.

Enter: the kissing controller.

This experimental bowling game is designed so that the speed, direction and spin of the bowling ball is controlled completely by a kiss. One person wears a headset while the other straps a magnetic strip to his/her tongue. The driving force behind your bowling power? How quickly you move your tongue.

Now, we’re all for kissing. But the only good thing about this creation is that it has the potential to get your guy to turn off the alien/combat/boring games for some one-on-one time. Unfortunately, that one on one time involves some seriously unsexy tongue circles, which do not a good kiss make. And a magnetic strip on my tongue? Thanks, but no thanks.

Source: Hye Yeon Nam on Vimeo.